My heart was broken this week. It was broken a few times actually. Last week everything was going perfect, we had 2 solid investigators on date for baptism, we were finding new investigators like crazy, people were accepting baptism and had such enthusiasm, but this week didn't have the same results as last week.
Late Thursday night one of our progressing investigators, Ulises, called us at 10:20 (10 minutes before bed) to tell us that he didn't know if he was going to meet with us anymore. He said that he had something that he was so ashamed about, but he didn't want to talk about it right then. Because curfew was close, we sent an appointment for the following day, just to talk and build his faith and get him re-excited about his baptism. The next day at our appointment, we shared a scripture, talked for a minute to see how he was doing, and then brought up his concern, but he wouldn't talk about it. He kept saying that he needed more time. Thinking that he'd just have to think about it for another day, we asked him for an appointment on Saturday. Saturday came, he still wouldn't talk. We could see that things weren't going so well. Something really was bothering him. We were running a little behind, so we scheduled another appointment for the next day, Sunday. Sunday wasn't any different. We called him in the morning to see if he could come to church with us. He had the opportunity, but he told us that he had too many things to do. Boom. Heart broken. That night, we met with him again and talked about his feelings of baptism. He still desires it, but something is in the way. We aren't sure what yet, but we are praying and trying that he will open up so that we can help him.
Our other progressing investigator, Marisol, was set on track for baptism. Everything was lined up. She has a testimony of every point of the gospel, we've given her almost all of the lessons, all that she needed was to come to church. She has been to church enough times to be baptized, but hasn't been in the past 2 weeks. We don't just want baptisms, we want converts, so we needed her to come to church this Sunday so that we could trust that she would continue to come after her baptism. Church started at 11:00am. We waited, and waited. The sacrament was passed. Still waiting. The first talk was given. Nothing. Hymns were sung. No sign of her. Finally, the closing prayer and still no Marisol. My heart was completely broken. She had been telling us all of that week that she would be there. Nothing could stop her. She had told her boss that she would no longer work on Sundays because she needed to be at church, but something got in the way. After sacrament, I asked Hermana Weinstock if we could go on a walk for just a minute. Tears were waiting to come out. Right as soon as the church doors closed behind us, tears trickled down my cheeks. As I was talking to Hermana Weinstock, a phrase from Preach My Gospel came to my mind. It says something along the lines of, "..occasionally you will find disappointment. You will grow to love those that you serve. You will desire their salvation. You will be sad when they don't keep their commitments, but you will not be disappointed in yourself." It's true. I was sad because I love her and she is important to me, and I want nothing but the best for her.
After both of these experiences this week, my heart that was broken lead me to have a broken heart as I prayed to my Heavenly Father for help. I was humbled and realized the reality that everyone has their agency. They can choose to live on the right hand of God. We have that same agency, and our daily choices produce the same results in our Heavenly Father; when we don't come to church, or are unwilling to repent, He suffers and is sad. I'm sure His heart is broken too.
Sure, this week was frustrating, and yes, I was a sad, but I have faith. I have faith in the future. I have faith that Marisol and Ulises will be baptized. I have faith that our Heavenly Father has a plan for us, but we need to be humble enough to trust Him. And with this faith, "I can do all things".
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